Posted by
Curtal Friar on Tuesday, April 22, 2008 10:19:48 AM
Man, this is going to be a great day!
Ladies and Gentleman, it is Earth Day 2008! You can go online and find all kinds of resources and tips for celebrating Earth Day, as well as listen to advice from well respected voices of authority. For example, you can go to
http://ww2.earthday.net/node/80 and listen to speeches from such eminent scholars as Chevy Chase and Kevin Bacon, who will tell you how to live your life in ways they do not so that you can help protect the Earth.
If you're a conservative in full possession of your mental faculties and you're truly sickened by all this green nonsense, then here are some tips for you that will help you to have a truly wonderful Earth Day 2008.
1. Drive the biggest vehicle you can get your hands on and go everywhere in it today. Mount a banner on top that reads BEATS WALKING. If you only possess a small car, see if a friend will let you use his/her minivan, 1 ton pickup, Hummer, or something equally large and gas guzzling. Use it for everything, even to go the thirty feet to check your mailbox. If possible, make sure a liberal eco-freak sees you doing this. If there are none around, have someone take a digital picture of you in the vehicle with the banner on top, and make sure to provide copies throughout the day to every eco-freak activist you come across.
2. Wear a t-shirt with the most politically incorrect, anti-ecofreak message you can come up with. Some potential ideas: I LOVE MY HUMMER, SAVE THE EARTH AND SHOOT A VEGAN, EAT BEEF, KYOTO IS FOR LOSERS, and SAVE THE EARTH BY LIVING THE WAY AL GORE DOES NOT. Those are just some ideas I had; I'm sure you can come up with many more from your own imagination. Whatever you pick, wear it and go everywhere you can so as many people as possible can see you in it.
3. It seems the liberal, eco-freak, Earth worshipping weirdoes are now advocating we must stop eating beef in order to prevent Gorebull warming. Apparently, this is because cows account for a much greater source of greenhouse gases than do cars. So, I propose that for Earth Day, we eat as much beef as possible. Do it in public so that hopefully at least one eco-freak can see you doing so. If possible, get the biggest, juiciest, delicious all-beef burger you can find and then go locate one of the various outdoor Earth Day celebrations. When you get there, find the most likely looking eco-freak and make sure to stand next to him while you eat that burger. If you can get friends with you, then have them do the same and surround the freak with the succulent smell of beef. If you can get even one vegan eco-freak to drop what he/she is doing and run down to the nearest burger joint to indulge in the joy of eating meat, then this day will truly be victorious.
4. Get all your buddies together, make a bunch of anti-Earth Day signs, and exercise your First Amendment rights to free speech by infiltrating the nearest Earth Day celebration. Make sure to do so peacefully. When the eco-freaks try to dissuade you with their silly diatribes, just laugh at them. Or just plain ignore them. Nothing will get their goat faster than the knowledge that others simply don't care what they have to say.
Above all, have a great day!
DOWN WITH GOREBULL WARMING
EAT BEEF, IT'S GOOD FOR YOU
SAVE THE EARTH, SHOOT AN ECO-FREAK
LMAOATISOL (laughing my a** off at the ignorant stupidity of liberals)